Optimism: How To Avoid Negative Thinking

**Brina** · 01-12-2004, 04:18

"...in spite of everything I still believe that people
are really good at heart." ~ Anne Frank, 1944

Have you ever wondered why some people feel down and defeated when faced with difficult situations, while others feel challenged and hopeful? Or why some people get all worked up and angry over small inconveniences and disagreements, while others respond more positively? These different reactions are due to how people interpret events - whether they view things from an optimistic or a pessimistic viewpoint.

While we can learn from both optimists and pessimists, most of us need help being optimistic. This article explores both ways of thinking, and gives some suggestions on how to become more optimistic.

The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events will last a long time, undermine everything that they do, and are their fault. Optimists, confronted with the same situations, believe that defeat is a temporary setback, its causes are confined to that one situation, and it's not their fault. While a pessimist may give up, an optimist will try harder to change the situation.

Pros and Cons To Both Optimism and Pessimism

There are pros and cons to both optimism and pessimism. Extreme optimism can be off-putting and invalidating because it seems phony and can be a denial of reality and pain. Extreme pessimism can be depressing because it seems to only focus on the negative and catastrophizes events. A healthy dose of optimism can be uplifting and hopeful, while a healthy dose of pessimism can be realistic and wise. Achieving a balance of being realistic and hopeful can be a challenge.

Differences Between Optimists and Pessimists

There are many reasons why people become pessimistic, including child trauma, losses, or highly critical parents - yet many optimists have also experienced great hardships and traumas; Anne Frank is a good example.

The difference between optimists and pessimists isn't a difference in life experiences, but rather in how people perceive and respond to adversity. For example, an optimist who is going through a hard time assumes that life will get better, while a pessimist believes life will always be difficult and painful.

These different approaches to life impact on health. People who are optimistic generally have better health, age well, and live more free of many physical problems associated with aging. Fortunately, optimism can be learned.

Ways To Be Optimistic

The first step to optimism is to identify the thoughts and beliefs running through your mind after something unpleasant happens. How did you interpret the event? Write out all of your beliefs and read them over. Then separate your feelings from your beliefs, because you won't be challenging your feelings; what you feel is what you feel.

Next, write down all your feelings about the event and how you responded. Do this for a few unpleasant situations, such as an argument with your partner, a work conflict, and getting a parking ticket. You might begin to see a pattern in how you interpret and react to events, and this will help you to become aware of and to change patterns.

If you do have pessimistic thoughts, it can help just to be aware that you think that way. Next time your thoughts jump to something like "I never get my way," "Nothing ever gets any better," or "People are always mean to me," try to notice that a pessimistic way of thinking is present for you.

The next step is to distract yourself from your pessimistic beliefs or dispute them. Disputing pessimistic beliefs will bring deeper, longer lasting results than distracting will, but distraction can also be effective, and sometimes easier.

Disputing pessimistic beliefs involves replacing them with alternative, kinder, and more realistic explanations. For example, if you have an argument with your partner, you might immediately think: "S/he never understands me! I'm always the one who ends up apologizing. This isn't working out; we should split up." In the heat of an argument, it's hard to think rationally. But if you step back and think about the situation more realistically, you might find that your thoughts become more positive, and you may even be able to work things out faster. For instance, you might tell yourself, "We just had an argument, and while s/he wasn't very understanding, neither was I. S/he's understood me lots of other times, and will probably understand me again once we've both cooled off. We've always been able to work through our problems before. I know we can again."

Maintaining a hopeful, positive, yet real perspective in the face of adversity can be a real challenge - one many are facing right now in the world - but it is essential to living peacefully and happily. Just as it is important to recognize what is unjust and unfair in our lives and the world, it is equally important to see the beauty, love, generosity, and goodness as well. Being gentle and loving with ourselves when we make mistakes, or when bad things happen is key to being hopeful and optimistic. And even if you're not sure it's possible, you can do it!

Kali Munro, © 2001
All rights reserved.
Edited by Cheryl Rainfield.

Based on the research of Martin E. P. Seligman from his book Learned Optimism. Alfred A. Knopf: New York, 1991.

If you would like to reprint this article on your website, you may, providing you print it in its entirety, credit me, and give a link to my site - www.KaliMunro.com

**Ddubya** · 01-12-2004, 04:33

Thanks for posting this Brina - It was interesting and helpful. D

blue_myst · 12-12-2004, 21:52

hey Brina! ty for this, I am going to print it out!

hey, she has info on EMDR, something my C specializes in and has encouraged me to do, I haven't been ready for it yet though

**Ann** · 30-06-2008, 13:37

good info!

RaeJeanne · 10-07-2008, 01:01

So, I think the question is: Is your cup half full? (Optimist) or is you cup half empty? (Pessimist)? Mine was always half empty, but now it is half full. Maybe even a little bit more full now compared to the past past.

RaeJeanne

**Bugsy** · 10-07-2008, 01:02

that's good you're working on seeing things more positively RaeJeanne:)

RaeJeanne · 10-07-2008, 02:38

Thank you, Bugsy. I am a work in progress!

**Bugsy** · 11-07-2008, 21:53

You're welcome RaeJeanne. So am I :)

Snow Angel · 12-07-2008, 13:32

Brina
Thank you for this message, you always have such great insite.

If I am may ask

What if the "optimistic one is the a**ser? Always saying things like why can't you be like me, I am soo optismistic nothing gets me down. Waving his optimism like a banner or superority and authority.
I use to be optimistic figuring nothing lasts forever and the sun will shine brighter tomorrow. But after years and years of being verbally and mentally abused, it's hard to remain an optimist. I am making changes in my life and I am going to work on recovery and would like to get my optimism back, so I am not such a whinner and pessimist.

Any advice welcome......Thank you

**Ann** · 27-07-2008, 23:55

Lost and Found,
I am sorry your husband does that:( no one can tell another person how much to hurt or not hurt. How much to be cheerful or not to be cheerful. I sorry he says to be like him:( using it againest you:(

I agree abuse can wear us down. I try having hopefull thinking in small steps and that seems to help. Meaning, I try to not be so black and white. To find somethings, I can be hopefull in! I can't compare myself to someone else. It is a journey we are on, not a race. Your pain matters and your feelings matter!

Snow Angel · 28-07-2008, 12:29

Ann

Thank you for your reply and advice. I appreciate them.

**Bugsy** · 29-07-2008, 00:05

Lost and Found...in my opinion, your husband sounds very narcisistic. it's good you are wanting to work on your healing and recovery..don't give up, you're worth the fight to heal :)

Snow Angel · 29-07-2008, 12:13

Bugsy

I had to look that word narcisistic up, but then I started laughing (glad no one is at the office yet). Oh yeh that describe him. He has a way of beating people down and then wondering what's "your" problem. Why can't everyone be as optimist as me?

Thanks Bugsy, you made me laugh. That in it's self is theropy to me. I forget what it's like to laugh.

**Ann** · 01-08-2008, 02:06

(((Lost and Found))

Snow Angel · 01-08-2008, 11:50

((Ann))

Thank you I appreciate hugges.

**TKay** · 01-08-2008, 15:45

Lost and Found....I hear you! just wanted to let you know i am listening.

Snow Angel · 01-08-2008, 15:51

ty tkay

I appreciate your listening to me and all my rambling on and on.

**TKay** · 01-08-2008, 15:54

please dont discount your talking as rambling. your talking is important and you are worth hearing.

Snow Angel · 01-08-2008, 16:07

tkay

thank you again. i appreciate being here and being heard. :)

**TKay** · 01-08-2008, 16:26

You are welcome. It feels good to be heard and having a place to come to be heard!

J74 · 10-03-2010, 02:12

This is good information

havilah · 24-06-2010, 21:44

This "Open Resource Forum" is amazing, thank you, printing much of it & hope to put it into practice, thanks again. (little bites at a time of course)

**Brina** · 25-06-2010, 03:43

im glad you are getting so much good info out of this part of the forum.

just make sure when you print articles out, you only print the article and not members replies.

:)

havilah · 25-06-2010, 23:33

Thanks Brina, I will :)

01-12-2004, 04:18	#1
Brina Senior Staff Support Staff Small Group Moderator PA to Small Group Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 24,732 Gender: F Mood: No Hugs	Optimism: How To Avoid Negative Thinking "...in spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." ~ Anne Frank, 1944 Have you ever wondered why some people feel down and defeated when faced with difficult situations, while others feel challenged and hopeful? Or why some people get all worked up and angry over small inconveniences and disagreements, while others respond more positively? These different reactions are due to how people interpret events - whether they view things from an optimistic or a pessimistic viewpoint. While we can learn from both optimists and pessimists, most of us need help being optimistic. This article explores both ways of thinking, and gives some suggestions on how to become more optimistic. The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events will last a long time, undermine everything that they do, and are their fault. Optimists, confronted with the same situations, believe that defeat is a temporary setback, its causes are confined to that one situation, and it's not their fault. While a pessimist may give up, an optimist will try harder to change the situation. Pros and Cons To Both Optimism and Pessimism There are pros and cons to both optimism and pessimism. Extreme optimism can be off-putting and invalidating because it seems phony and can be a denial of reality and pain. Extreme pessimism can be depressing because it seems to only focus on the negative and catastrophizes events. A healthy dose of optimism can be uplifting and hopeful, while a healthy dose of pessimism can be realistic and wise. Achieving a balance of being realistic and hopeful can be a challenge. Differences Between Optimists and Pessimists There are many reasons why people become pessimistic, including child trauma, losses, or highly critical parents - yet many optimists have also experienced great hardships and traumas; Anne Frank is a good example. The difference between optimists and pessimists isn't a difference in life experiences, but rather in how people perceive and respond to adversity. For example, an optimist who is going through a hard time assumes that life will get better, while a pessimist believes life will always be difficult and painful. These different approaches to life impact on health. People who are optimistic generally have better health, age well, and live more free of many physical problems associated with aging. Fortunately, optimism can be learned. Ways To Be Optimistic The first step to optimism is to identify the thoughts and beliefs running through your mind after something unpleasant happens. How did you interpret the event? Write out all of your beliefs and read them over. Then separate your feelings from your beliefs, because you won't be challenging your feelings; what you feel is what you feel. Next, write down all your feelings about the event and how you responded. Do this for a few unpleasant situations, such as an argument with your partner, a work conflict, and getting a parking ticket. You might begin to see a pattern in how you interpret and react to events, and this will help you to become aware of and to change patterns. If you do have pessimistic thoughts, it can help just to be aware that you think that way. Next time your thoughts jump to something like "I never get my way," "Nothing ever gets any better," or "People are always mean to me," try to notice that a pessimistic way of thinking is present for you. The next step is to distract yourself from your pessimistic beliefs or dispute them. Disputing pessimistic beliefs will bring deeper, longer lasting results than distracting will, but distraction can also be effective, and sometimes easier. Disputing pessimistic beliefs involves replacing them with alternative, kinder, and more realistic explanations. For example, if you have an argument with your partner, you might immediately think: "S/he never understands me! I'm always the one who ends up apologizing. This isn't working out; we should split up." In the heat of an argument, it's hard to think rationally. But if you step back and think about the situation more realistically, you might find that your thoughts become more positive, and you may even be able to work things out faster. For instance, you might tell yourself, "We just had an argument, and while s/he wasn't very understanding, neither was I. S/he's understood me lots of other times, and will probably understand me again once we've both cooled off. We've always been able to work through our problems before. I know we can again." Maintaining a hopeful, positive, yet real perspective in the face of adversity can be a real challenge - one many are facing right now in the world - but it is essential to living peacefully and happily. Just as it is important to recognize what is unjust and unfair in our lives and the world, it is equally important to see the beauty, love, generosity, and goodness as well. Being gentle and loving with ourselves when we make mistakes, or when bad things happen is key to being hopeful and optimistic. And even if you're not sure it's possible, you can do it! Kali Munro, © 2001 All rights reserved. Edited by Cheryl Rainfield. Based on the research of Martin E. P. Seligman from his book Learned Optimism. Alfred A. Knopf: New York, 1991. If you would like to reprint this article on your website, you may, providing you print it in its entirety, credit me, and give a link to my site - www.KaliMunro.com __________________ “Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got ” – Janis Joplin

30-06-2008, 13:37	#4
Ann Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: USA Posts: 24,707 Gender: F	good info! __________________ Forum News \| Donate \| Profile \| Prayer \| Resources My God is changeless in his love for me, and he will come and help me. Psalm 59:10

10-07-2008, 01:02	#6
Bugsy Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 82,052 Gender: F	that's good you're working on seeing things more positively RaeJeanne:) __________________ About CS \| Profile \| Affirmations \| Prayer \| Donate And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

11-07-2008, 21:53	#8
Bugsy Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 82,052 Gender: F	You're welcome RaeJeanne. So am I :) __________________ About CS \| Profile \| Affirmations \| Prayer \| Donate And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

27-07-2008, 23:55	#10
Ann Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: USA Posts: 24,707 Gender: F	Lost and Found, I am sorry your husband does that:( no one can tell another person how much to hurt or not hurt. How much to be cheerful or not to be cheerful. I sorry he says to be like him:( using it againest you:( I agree abuse can wear us down. I try having hopefull thinking in small steps and that seems to help. Meaning, I try to not be so black and white. To find somethings, I can be hopefull in! I can't compare myself to someone else. It is a journey we are on, not a race. Your pain matters and your feelings matter! __________________ Forum News \| Donate \| Profile \| Prayer \| Resources My God is changeless in his love for me, and he will come and help me. Psalm 59:10

01-12-2004, 04:33	#2
Ddubya Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 18,680 Gender: F Mood: uncomfortably numb	Thanks for posting this Brina - It was interesting and helpful. D

12-12-2004, 21:52	#3
blue_myst Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 10,799 Mood: mystic wanderer	hey Brina! ty for this, I am going to print it out! hey, she has info on EMDR, something my C specializes in and has encouraged me to do, I haven't been ready for it yet though

10-07-2008, 01:01	#5
RaeJeanne Regular Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In Jsea Posts: 327 Gender: F Mood: Don't seem to know today	So, I think the question is: Is your cup half full? (Optimist) or is you cup half empty? (Pessimist)? Mine was always half empty, but now it is half full. Maybe even a little bit more full now compared to the past past. RaeJeanne

10-07-2008, 02:38	#7
RaeJeanne Regular Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: In Jsea Posts: 327 Gender: F Mood: Don't seem to know today	Thank you, Bugsy. I am a work in progress!

12-07-2008, 13:32	#9
Snow Angel Companion Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: US Posts: 1,785 Gender: F Mood: Scared	Brina Thank you for this message, you always have such great insite. If I am may ask What if the "optimistic one is the a**ser? Always saying things like why can't you be like me, I am soo optismistic nothing gets me down. Waving his optimism like a banner or superority and authority. I use to be optimistic figuring nothing lasts forever and the sun will shine brighter tomorrow. But after years and years of being verbally and mentally abused, it's hard to remain an optimist. I am making changes in my life and I am going to work on recovery and would like to get my optimism back, so I am not such a whinner and pessimist. Any advice welcome......Thank you

28-07-2008, 12:29	#11
Snow Angel Companion Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: US Posts: 1,785 Gender: F Mood: Scared	Ann Thank you for your reply and advice. I appreciate them.

29-07-2008, 00:05	#12
Bugsy Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 82,052 Gender: F	Lost and Found...in my opinion, your husband sounds very narcisistic. it's good you are wanting to work on your healing and recovery..don't give up, you're worth the fight to heal :) __________________ About CS \| Profile \| Affirmations \| Prayer \| Donate And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

29-07-2008, 12:13	#13
Snow Angel Companion Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: US Posts: 1,785 Gender: F Mood: Scared	Bugsy I had to look that word narcisistic up, but then I started laughing (glad no one is at the office yet). Oh yeh that describe him. He has a way of beating people down and then wondering what's "your" problem. Why can't everyone be as optimist as me? Thanks Bugsy, you made me laugh. That in it's self is theropy to me. I forget what it's like to laugh.

01-08-2008, 02:06	#14
Ann Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: USA Posts: 24,707 Gender: F	(((Lost and Found)) __________________ Forum News \| Donate \| Profile \| Prayer \| Resources My God is changeless in his love for me, and he will come and help me. Psalm 59:10

01-08-2008, 11:50	#15
Snow Angel Companion Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: US Posts: 1,785 Gender: F Mood: Scared	((Ann)) Thank you I appreciate hugges.

01-08-2008, 15:45	#16
TKay Support Staff Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: The Land of the Mitten Posts: 30,949 Gender: F Mood: Waiting	Lost and Found....I hear you! just wanted to let you know i am listening. __________________ "Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement and the branches are control." Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft

01-08-2008, 15:51	#17
Snow Angel Companion Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: US Posts: 1,785 Gender: F Mood: Scared	ty tkay I appreciate your listening to me and all my rambling on and on.

01-08-2008, 15:54	#18
TKay Support Staff Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: The Land of the Mitten Posts: 30,949 Gender: F Mood: Waiting	please dont discount your talking as rambling. your talking is important and you are worth hearing. __________________ "Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement and the branches are control." Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft

01-08-2008, 16:07	#19
Snow Angel Companion Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: US Posts: 1,785 Gender: F Mood: Scared	tkay thank you again. i appreciate being here and being heard. :)

01-08-2008, 16:26	#20
TKay Support Staff Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: The Land of the Mitten Posts: 30,949 Gender: F Mood: Waiting	You are welcome. It feels good to be heard and having a place to come to be heard! __________________ "Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement and the branches are control." Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft

10-03-2010, 02:12	#21
J74 member Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 180 Gender: F	This is good information

24-06-2010, 21:44	#22
havilah Regular Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 300 Gender: F Mood: hopeful	This "Open Resource Forum" is amazing, thank you, printing much of it & hope to put it into practice, thanks again. (little bites at a time of course)

25-06-2010, 03:43	#23
Brina Senior Staff Support Staff Small Group Moderator PA to Small Group Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 24,732 Gender: F Mood: No Hugs	im glad you are getting so much good info out of this part of the forum. just make sure when you print articles out, you only print the article and not members replies. :) __________________ “Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got ” – Janis Joplin

25-06-2010, 23:33	#24
havilah Regular Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 300 Gender: F Mood: hopeful	Thanks Brina, I will :)