Resolving Abandonment

**Brina** · 26-08-2004, 05:42

Resolving Abandonment

Our sense of self-worth is invariably jostled when feelings of abandonment surface. This is because we had an expectation or reliance that rested outside of ourselves. We were therefore attempting to fulfill a need that we perceived we could not satisfy from within. Consequently, when the external supplier of that need leaves...we are left with out own perceived inability to fulfill our own need.

Stay present with yourself. Where we cannot be present or give to ourselves is the same area that others may appear to walk away from us. You will not feel abandoned if you do not abandon your hopes, dreams, desires, intentions, goals, heart, inner child and Higher Self.

Seek within yourself what you were wanting from another. Love, approval, recognition, acknowledgment, understanding, and joy are all things that we can give to ourselves even when someone else cannot seem to give these qualities. In this way, you do not abandon yourself and will feel much better about yourself.

Detach your sense of self-worth from someone else's boundary choice or unconscious limitation. Realize that their being or not being able to show up in the way that you want them to is about them, not you. You are still lovable and worthy even if someone else cannot recognize this truth or has set a different intention for himself or herself.

Look to see if there is an abandonment pattern in your life. Then look to see what your contribution is to it. Do you expect it? Do you attract or ate you attracted to people who are quick to abandon? Do you push away or subtly encourage abandonment? Do push away or subtly encourage abandonment? Do you abandon first? How might you work with your answers to help yourself in the future?

Ask yourself, "What part of myself have I abandoned in this situation?" Perhaps it is your love of self, your creativity, your values or your intuition. Spend time with that part to get reacquainted. Dialogue with it. Integrate this part with your lifes activities by honing that skill, Paying more attention to it or reprioritizing so that you somehow include it more.

Take time to grieve. This will help you to detach from the particular situation or person. You will not lose your memories nor the value you received from that relationship. Grieving will make space for new opportunities to manifest.

Ask yourself some questions to shift from victimization to empowerment. Were you negating your own abilities in the situation? Were you taking another for granted? Were you coasting? Were you letting someone else be responsible for your responsibilities? What do you want to do for yourself now to be empowered?

Go deeper. Abandonment is often an invitation to find resources within yourself. View this situation as an opportunity for a new adventure. Dive in and enjoy new levels of your self-exploration.

Trust that you can move on. Sometimes others play the role of kicking us out of the nest. Sometimes they appear to leave first when it actually was our time to leave. Discover the hidden gift in their leaving. Are you finding your own strength or ability as a result of you doing for yourself what they used to do for you? Recognize your own growth or readiness to move along your lifes path.

Thank the other person involved. Take time to appreciate what you have learned from the relationship thus far. Know that you may still realize and learn things from having known them long after they are out of your daily life experience. Gratitude will help you receive the gift of the other person having been in your life for the time that they could be there

Lynn · 26-08-2004, 07:30

Brina!

Thank you for posting this, it has made me think a lot about things that are happening for me at the moment. It is helpful :smile:

Sinead · 26-08-2004, 09:45

{{{{{{{{{Brina!}}}}}}}}} thanks for posting cara :)

tenderheart1955 · 05-09-2004, 11:59

thank you, Brina. i really needed that right now.

sabrina

**Brina** · 05-09-2004, 12:01

you're very welcome.

:)

Lauri · 05-09-2004, 16:55

Ohhh Brina,

I so needed to read this. Truly is something that i have fought with and can identify with everything written...wow!!

Thank you for posting this. I am gonna copy this and have it in my journal. I think there is much to process through....

**Bugsy** · 06-09-2004, 00:11

thanks Brina! for posting this..very helpful....i hope you are taking gentle care of yourself :)

**Brina** · 06-09-2004, 05:00

welcome

i have about 500 million abandonment issues myself....

:)

**Bugsy** · 06-09-2004, 05:01

((((((((((Brina!))))))))))) gentle hugs if ok.....you are so loved and cared for here...thank you for being you:)

**Brina** · 06-09-2004, 07:16

thanks!

**Bugsy** · 06-09-2004, 07:30

you are welcome Brina!....such a blessing to know you and be here with you:)

**TKay** · 06-09-2004, 15:18

thanks Brina!

**Ann** · 06-09-2004, 18:13

been workin ..on this Brina...ty

littlechild · 06-09-2004, 18:51

Thanks Brina for posting this.

Major problem area for me.

**Bugsy** · 06-09-2004, 19:19

((((((Brina!))))))
((((((Lynn)))))))
((((((Sinead))))))
((((((Sabrina))))))
((((((Lauri))))))
((((((tkay))))))
((((((ann))))))
((((((littlechild))))))

**Brina** · 07-09-2004, 05:10

wleocme!

c_turtlez · 03-02-2006, 00:22

Thank you for posting this Brina. I have a difficult time with abandonment.

falling down · 22-02-2006, 18:22

Brina I have read alot of the resourses that you have posted. i see that many decisions that i make are affected by what others want need feel ect.
I see that many times i have lost who i am while making things good for someonelse. Anyway i want to thank you for the work that you do, the time that it takes, and the emotional cost that I am sure is at times invovled.
so thanks thanks thanks

**Brina** · 23-02-2006, 05:16

welcome!

((((everyone)))))

ite · 20-03-2006, 09:20

I Know That Feeling So Intensely Abandonment Eventually Everyone Will Leave And If The Don't I Pick The Ones Who Can't Stay Ie Married Therefor In My Highly Intellegent Mind Lol They Cant Abandone Me Thier Married Instead Circumstance Is The Reason. Ironic Huh? The One Thing We Want The Most Need The Most Crave The Most "love" We Run Like Heck To Get Away From It. Thepeople Who Should Have Loved Us Betrayed Us So Why Trust Now?

eleanor · 21-03-2006, 16:44

thanks for posting this Brina. It was helpful to read and alot to think about.

TrustingHim · 28-12-2007, 00:10

((((((Brina)))))))), I know that what you have written here about abandonment was written a long time ago, over three years ago, but it is just as relevant today, certainly to me. Thankyou. This is an area that I often struggle with.

**Ann** · 26-03-2008, 18:59

Thanks Brina....~~~~~

Dana · 05-06-2008, 09:36

Brina, thank you for posting this... it's definitely an issue for me, and I'm trying to work through some of the very things this article talks about... so it's encouraging to me.
Thank you,
Dana

26-08-2004, 05:42	#1
Brina Senior Staff Support Staff Small Group Moderator PA to Small Group Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 24,732 Gender: F Mood: No Hugs	Resolving Abandonment Resolving Abandonment Our sense of self-worth is invariably jostled when feelings of abandonment surface. This is because we had an expectation or reliance that rested outside of ourselves. We were therefore attempting to fulfill a need that we perceived we could not satisfy from within. Consequently, when the external supplier of that need leaves...we are left with out own perceived inability to fulfill our own need. Stay present with yourself. Where we cannot be present or give to ourselves is the same area that others may appear to walk away from us. You will not feel abandoned if you do not abandon your hopes, dreams, desires, intentions, goals, heart, inner child and Higher Self. Seek within yourself what you were wanting from another. Love, approval, recognition, acknowledgment, understanding, and joy are all things that we can give to ourselves even when someone else cannot seem to give these qualities. In this way, you do not abandon yourself and will feel much better about yourself. Detach your sense of self-worth from someone else's boundary choice or unconscious limitation. Realize that their being or not being able to show up in the way that you want them to is about them, not you. You are still lovable and worthy even if someone else cannot recognize this truth or has set a different intention for himself or herself. Look to see if there is an abandonment pattern in your life. Then look to see what your contribution is to it. Do you expect it? Do you attract or ate you attracted to people who are quick to abandon? Do you push away or subtly encourage abandonment? Do push away or subtly encourage abandonment? Do you abandon first? How might you work with your answers to help yourself in the future? Ask yourself, "What part of myself have I abandoned in this situation?" Perhaps it is your love of self, your creativity, your values or your intuition. Spend time with that part to get reacquainted. Dialogue with it. Integrate this part with your lifes activities by honing that skill, Paying more attention to it or reprioritizing so that you somehow include it more. Take time to grieve. This will help you to detach from the particular situation or person. You will not lose your memories nor the value you received from that relationship. Grieving will make space for new opportunities to manifest. Ask yourself some questions to shift from victimization to empowerment. Were you negating your own abilities in the situation? Were you taking another for granted? Were you coasting? Were you letting someone else be responsible for your responsibilities? What do you want to do for yourself now to be empowered? Go deeper. Abandonment is often an invitation to find resources within yourself. View this situation as an opportunity for a new adventure. Dive in and enjoy new levels of your self-exploration. Trust that you can move on. Sometimes others play the role of kicking us out of the nest. Sometimes they appear to leave first when it actually was our time to leave. Discover the hidden gift in their leaving. Are you finding your own strength or ability as a result of you doing for yourself what they used to do for you? Recognize your own growth or readiness to move along your lifes path. Thank the other person involved. Take time to appreciate what you have learned from the relationship thus far. Know that you may still realize and learn things from having known them long after they are out of your daily life experience. Gratitude will help you receive the gift of the other person having been in your life for the time that they could be there __________________ “Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got ” – Janis Joplin

26-08-2004, 07:30	#2
Lynn Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Posts: 8,174 Gender: F	Brina! Thank you for posting this, it has made me think a lot about things that are happening for me at the moment. It is helpful :smile: __________________

05-09-2004, 11:59	#4
tenderheart1955 Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: north carolina Posts: 305 Mood: despairing	thank you, Brina. i really needed that right now. sabrina __________________ feeling so alone in a world of "perfect" christians

05-09-2004, 12:01	#5
Brina Senior Staff Support Staff Small Group Moderator PA to Small Group Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 24,732 Gender: F Mood: No Hugs	you're very welcome. :) __________________ “Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got ” – Janis Joplin

05-09-2004, 16:55	#6
Lauri Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: USA Posts: 2,985 Gender: F	Ohhh Brina, I so needed to read this. Truly is something that i have fought with and can identify with everything written...wow!! Thank you for posting this. I am gonna copy this and have it in my journal. I think there is much to process through.... __________________

26-08-2004, 09:45	#3
Sinead Companion Join Date: Jun 2002 Posts: 7,813 Mood: OK	{{{{{{{{{Brina!}}}}}}}}} thanks for posting cara :)

06-09-2004, 00:11	#7
Bugsy Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 82,052 Gender: F	thanks Brina! for posting this..very helpful....i hope you are taking gentle care of yourself :) __________________ About CS \| Profile \| Affirmations \| Prayer \| Donate And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

06-09-2004, 05:00	#8
Brina Senior Staff Support Staff Small Group Moderator PA to Small Group Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 24,732 Gender: F Mood: No Hugs	welcome i have about 500 million abandonment issues myself.... :) __________________ “Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got ” – Janis Joplin

06-09-2004, 05:01	#9
Bugsy Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 82,052 Gender: F	((((((((((Brina!))))))))))) gentle hugs if ok.....you are so loved and cared for here...thank you for being you:) __________________ About CS \| Profile \| Affirmations \| Prayer \| Donate And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

06-09-2004, 07:16	#10
Brina Senior Staff Support Staff Small Group Moderator PA to Small Group Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 24,732 Gender: F Mood: No Hugs	thanks! __________________ “Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got ” – Janis Joplin

06-09-2004, 07:30	#11
Bugsy Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 82,052 Gender: F	you are welcome Brina!....such a blessing to know you and be here with you:) __________________ About CS \| Profile \| Affirmations \| Prayer \| Donate And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

06-09-2004, 15:18	#12
TKay Support Staff Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: The Land of the Mitten Posts: 30,949 Gender: F Mood: Waiting	thanks Brina! __________________ "Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement and the branches are control." Why Does He Do That? By Lundy Bancroft

06-09-2004, 18:13	#13
Ann Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: USA Posts: 24,707 Gender: F	been workin ..on this Brina...ty __________________ Forum News \| Donate \| Profile \| Prayer \| Resources My God is changeless in his love for me, and he will come and help me. Psalm 59:10

06-09-2004, 18:51	#14
littlechild Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 310 Gender: F	Thanks Brina for posting this. Major problem area for me.

06-09-2004, 19:19	#15
Bugsy Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 82,052 Gender: F	((((((Brina!)))))) ((((((Lynn))))))) ((((((Sinead)))))) ((((((Sabrina)))))) ((((((Lauri)))))) ((((((tkay)))))) ((((((ann)))))) ((((((littlechild)))))) __________________ About CS \| Profile \| Affirmations \| Prayer \| Donate And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

07-09-2004, 05:10	#16
Brina Senior Staff Support Staff Small Group Moderator PA to Small Group Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 24,732 Gender: F Mood: No Hugs	wleocme! __________________ “Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got ” – Janis Joplin

03-02-2006, 00:22	#17
c_turtlez Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 662	Thank you for posting this Brina. I have a difficult time with abandonment. __________________ Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others. - Wilfred Peterson

22-02-2006, 18:22	#18
falling down Companion Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: usa Posts: 7,148 Gender: F Mood: tenatively hopeful	Brina I have read alot of the resourses that you have posted. i see that many decisions that i make are affected by what others want need feel ect. I see that many times i have lost who i am while making things good for someonelse. Anyway i want to thank you for the work that you do, the time that it takes, and the emotional cost that I am sure is at times invovled. so thanks thanks thanks __________________ "Preserve me, O God for in you do i put my trust" ~psalms 16: 1~

23-02-2006, 05:16	#19
Brina Senior Staff Support Staff Small Group Moderator PA to Small Group Coordinator Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Australia Posts: 24,732 Gender: F Mood: No Hugs	welcome! ((((everyone))))) __________________ “Don't compromise yourself. You're all you've got ” – Janis Joplin

20-03-2006, 09:20	#20
ite Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 5	I Know That Feeling So Intensely Abandonment Eventually Everyone Will Leave And If The Don't I Pick The Ones Who Can't Stay Ie Married Therefor In My Highly Intellegent Mind Lol They Cant Abandone Me Thier Married Instead Circumstance Is The Reason. Ironic Huh? The One Thing We Want The Most Need The Most Crave The Most "love" We Run Like Heck To Get Away From It. Thepeople Who Should Have Loved Us Betrayed Us So Why Trust Now?

21-03-2006, 16:44	#21
eleanor Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: uk Posts: 9,489 Gender: F Mood: very scared	thanks for posting this Brina. It was helpful to read and alot to think about. __________________

28-12-2007, 00:10	#22
TrustingHim Companion Join Date: May 2007 Location: N.E. Lincs. UK Posts: 2,051 Gender: F Mood: Happy & hopeful!	((((((Brina)))))))), I know that what you have written here about abandonment was written a long time ago, over three years ago, but it is just as relevant today, certainly to me. Thankyou. This is an area that I often struggle with.

26-03-2008, 18:59	#23
Ann Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: USA Posts: 24,707 Gender: F	Thanks Brina....~~~~~ __________________ Forum News \| Donate \| Profile \| Prayer \| Resources My God is changeless in his love for me, and he will come and help me. Psalm 59:10

05-06-2008, 09:36	#24
Dana Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Kansas City, MO Posts: 194 Gender: F	Brina, thank you for posting this... it's definitely an issue for me, and I'm trying to work through some of the very things this article talks about... so it's encouraging to me. Thank you, Dana __________________ ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly...