Spiritual Content : I am living ....

Gibe · 15-06-2010, 01:27

I am living in the pain
the pain of the past
I have a wonderful family
loads of good friends
a house in the country
a loving husband
But
I am living right now in the pain of the past
in the pain that happened that I don’t remember
it shapes my days now
it calls to me
look at me
feel me
smell me
help me
free me
hold me
I am living in the pain of the past
The pain that comes back now,
long forgotten
held in the memories of others
others who suffered underneath the surface of me
occasionally popping out
stirring things up
saying strange words
poking at my flesh
splashing my thoughts with fears
and anger
rejection
longing
doubt
also laughter
amazement
understanding and loyalty
i am living in the pain of my past, now
how ridiculous!
It happened so long ago
I am an adult now
a nana
a teacher
a friend
a servant
a lover
a mother
an artist
a writer
why bother
leave it alone now
let it go
-I can’t
it won’t let me go
I live in the pain of my past
till I am done this journey and we are all free.

**Bugsy** · 15-06-2010, 02:45

wow, you expressed yourself well Gibe

thanks for sharing this

cookie · 15-06-2010, 02:55

it made me cry, i understand too well. really says it all.

Starship · 15-06-2010, 03:52

((((Gibe))))

...very well expressed.

Gibe · 15-06-2010, 11:49

Thanks Cookie, Bugsy and Starship,
I like this one too.
I think I might try to rework it.
it just came out pretty much like that.
I did not know what I was gong to say until it was there.

jsm · 15-06-2010, 14:02

when i read this last night, i couldnt even respond. it was so accurate and hit so close to home for me. thanks for sharing it. it truly describes my life.

Gibe · 16-06-2010, 12:09

You are welcome jsm
I know and am sorry that you have the same

Tigerfly · 16-06-2010, 18:55

really good job of expressing yourself thanks for sharing this

havilah · 06-07-2010, 21:44

I'm glad you're here sharing & finding freedom with us, appreciate your words

me2 · 21-07-2010, 11:42

You really expressed yourself quite well. Thank you for sharing.

Hidden<3 · 23-07-2010, 05:36

Wow and ouch. You grabbed my heart and expressed my feelings. I haven't decided if it is scary or comforting to know how much alike we all are. Ow. Thank you, Gibe. It does help to have the words "out."

Gibe · 25-07-2010, 02:50

I know what you mean H3
I usually find it validating when others here struggle with the same stuff....

I appreciate everyones comments

Gretchen · 29-07-2010, 18:31

Hey Gibe
do you know that our pain is different than yours?
as others we are not wives and mothers and friends and workers etc
we are only part of a collection that is under/in/with you.
so we are living in pain until we get help but it is different than your pain because we are not people like you are.

Gibe · 30-07-2010, 14:03

Gretchen... it feels odd to write to you here ...
I cannot claim to understand completely what life is like for you.
I do understand that your pain is different than mine.
I know that you are part of God as all of us are and that He is helping you.
You came into the world to help me survive and now we are trying to help each other on the healing journey.
I appreciate you so much.
I wonder if you are trying to tell me something that I am not getting? i will try to give you time to write with me today.

OnTheRoad · 01-08-2010, 03:46

Gibe, it's beautiful and I can hear your pain so much.

15-06-2010, 01:27	#1
Gibe Companion Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,814 Gender: F Mood: no moving icons please	I am living .... I am living in the pain the pain of the past I have a wonderful family loads of good friends a house in the country a loving husband But I am living right now in the pain of the past in the pain that happened that I don’t remember it shapes my days now it calls to me look at me feel me smell me help me free me hold me I am living in the pain of the past The pain that comes back now, long forgotten held in the memories of others others who suffered underneath the surface of me occasionally popping out stirring things up saying strange words poking at my flesh splashing my thoughts with fears and anger rejection longing doubt also laughter amazement understanding and loyalty i am living in the pain of my past, now how ridiculous! It happened so long ago I am an adult now a nana a teacher a friend a servant a lover a mother an artist a writer why bother leave it alone now let it go -I can’t it won’t let me go I live in the pain of my past till I am done this journey and we are all free. Last edited by Gibe; 15-06-2010 at 01:30..

15-06-2010, 02:45	#2
Bugsy Support Staff Small Group Moderator Prayer Team Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 82,069 Gender: F	wow, you expressed yourself well Gibe thanks for sharing this __________________ About CS \| Profile \| Affirmations \| Prayer \| Donate And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

15-06-2010, 03:52	#4
Starship Companion Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Texas USA Posts: 4,246 Gender: F Mood: trusting God	((((Gibe)))) ...very well expressed. __________________ ♥ ♥ ♥ The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. Zeph 3:16

15-06-2010, 14:02	#6
jsm Companion Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: USA Posts: 6,451 Gender: F	when i read this last night, i couldnt even respond. it was so accurate and hit so close to home for me. thanks for sharing it. it truly describes my life. __________________ jsm "life isnt about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain."

01-08-2010, 03:46	#15
OnTheRoad Companion Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 7,600 Gender: F Mood: dunno	Gibe, it's beautiful and I can hear your pain so much. __________________ otr

15-06-2010, 02:55	#3
cookie Companion Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: USA Posts: 4,178 Gender: F Mood: confused?	it made me cry, i understand too well. really says it all.

15-06-2010, 11:49	#5
Gibe Companion Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,814 Gender: F Mood: no moving icons please	Thanks Cookie, Bugsy and Starship, I like this one too. I think I might try to rework it. it just came out pretty much like that. I did not know what I was gong to say until it was there.

16-06-2010, 12:09	#7
Gibe Companion Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,814 Gender: F Mood: no moving icons please	You are welcome jsm I know and am sorry that you have the same

16-06-2010, 18:55	#8
Tigerfly Companion Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: The East Posts: 2,483 Gender: F Mood: sigh	really good job of expressing yourself thanks for sharing this

06-07-2010, 21:44	#9
havilah Regular Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 306 Gender: F Mood: hopeful	I'm glad you're here sharing & finding freedom with us, appreciate your words

21-07-2010, 11:42	#10
me2 Companion Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 1,245 Gender: F	You really expressed yourself quite well. Thank you for sharing.

23-07-2010, 05:36	#11
Hidden<3 New Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: USA Posts: 28 Gender: F Mood: Lost	Wow and ouch. You grabbed my heart and expressed my feelings. I haven't decided if it is scary or comforting to know how much alike we all are. Ow. Thank you, Gibe. It does help to have the words "out."

25-07-2010, 02:50	#12
Gibe Companion Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,814 Gender: F Mood: no moving icons please	I know what you mean H3 I usually find it validating when others here struggle with the same stuff.... I appreciate everyones comments

29-07-2010, 18:31	#13
Gretchen New Member Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 56 Gender: F	Hey Gibe do you know that our pain is different than yours? as others we are not wives and mothers and friends and workers etc we are only part of a collection that is under/in/with you. so we are living in pain until we get help but it is different than your pain because we are not people like you are.

30-07-2010, 14:03	#14
Gibe Companion Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 1,814 Gender: F Mood: no moving icons please	Gretchen... it feels odd to write to you here ... I cannot claim to understand completely what life is like for you. I do understand that your pain is different than mine. I know that you are part of God as all of us are and that He is helping you. You came into the world to help me survive and now we are trying to help each other on the healing journey. I appreciate you so much. I wonder if you are trying to tell me something that I am not getting? i will try to give you time to write with me today.